Better Remind Yourself that you are a Physics student -2
Introduction
So there you are ,after a long time .Now see, that what a girl can do to you….Off many things to list a few are like - now you smell good (thanks to Old Spice Deodorant )….your dressing sense has improved drastically (From Lowers to jeans, From sandals to shoes ,From funky sporty T shirts to shirts )….instead of shaving every fortnight now you shave every Fridays ….You have become so conscious about how you look that even if the people from physics fraternity call you a fop, you will hardly mind … you now dress well just for her ….even to an extent that your impeccable image of unusually simple and that of an indifferent intellectual diminishes .All the more for a person rhetorical as you ,the girl not only changes your outer self, in fact, she enters your creative territory and eventually fires your artistic instinct …instigates your writer within , that was sleeping all these years ……..From a freelance writer you now seem to be in process of turning up into a scripturient
And above all she captures your heart and then slowly intoxicates the mind and slowly the reign of mind ,body and soul gets in her hands. The first thing that happens is that through heart she makes a mark in your head and almost kicks out Schrodinger ,Lagrange ,Newton ,Hamilton…. in one go ! You feel as if love has been blossoming at expense of the expulsion of these nerds, since by the time they were there, they resisted within your mind but poor fellows can’t spare their space ultimately being captured by an unarmed and innocent girl .You know that you are an aware student so somehow you give these nerds shelter in a few scanty pockets of your head …
You know that you are highly sceptic and taking a rational approach you could easily figure out that she has never been there and that is was you, all desperate, to include her in your life ,it seems she has made a space but deep inside you know the truth, that it is not her mistake ,she is innocent ,she even might not know that now she resides in a place called Heart ,you never told her .Did you ! You yourself are riding in the cloud of dreams created by you ….
Moreover you don’t wish to capture her, your lone wish is that she comes daily, stands quite away from you and you could daily take the elixir of beauty and rejuvenate yourself since your heart is stolen, your mind has been captured and now you are nothing but a living corpse and daily when she arrives she infuses life in you ……..
She has never said anything to you …It was you only who have unintentionally fallen for her …..You have lost yourself in the hands of the person who doesn’t even know that in her captivity is your life …You never have talked of what you feel for her ….At this time all you wish is her nod for your friendship ..All you want is recognition in her eyes ........You now finally come on the conclusion that your loneliness and her innocuous captivating reserve has plunged you in the deep waters of misery.
Misery! What are you talking about?
Yeah misery -when you like someone and if you can’t express to her what you feel then it is a disaster,it is a wound left undressed ,it bleeds .The heart always had a solemn promise with you to be along with you in all hardships ,pains and miseries but has lost its way this time .You see her daily ,your heart daily pumps up and down in the anticipation of her arrival ,her presence itself makes your heart throb in unusual ecstasy and then your heart realizing it is a heart of a physics student silences itself and hides itself in the darkness of unknowingness .
It pretends, it says that better deceive yourself...And reiterate to yourself that physics and love don’t go in sync with each other. Subject as dry as physics will never irrigate the fields of love.
The ‘dynamics’ of heartbeat which gets ‘triggered’ seeing her, daily sets itself in slow motion soon because you know that you are a physics student and the lone aim of yours is not that girl but deep within you lies an agony of being not able to find a place for yourself in her heart..
It seems she has entered into your heart completely and evading yourself from her thoughts is almost impossible ….She does not know but her decency , innocence , modesty and above all her pleasant smile , soothing voice ,expressive eyes have gushed into your hearts like the horrible waters of the flood…
Your are mesmerized by the ways she approaches …tak.. tak.. tak.. She enters the class, for you it seems as if tak.. tak ..tak.. ….she enters into your heart ………
You know as of now you have never been into a great conversation with her and whatever you have talked to her is something which you can hardly recollect...since whenever she comes to talk to you ..you have never had courage to look into her eyes and say something and by the time you gathered all your courage to utter something she would have turned her back by then …
Now in reveries you might be still talking to her … but the physical ‘she’ has gone …
Whenever she does not turn up it seems to you a gloomy day and you just roam here and there
aimlessly .Her absence makes your heart dreary .It is like a deep intense feeling that demands nothing but her attention .You know that you are in a divine ecstasy called love where conquering someone is not your aim , just ,appreciating her beauty is the sole aim and her presence the only purpose for which you daily visit the mundane lab ..
Episode 1
The other day you were sitting at ‘Nukkad Tea Shop’ and the first thing you notice is that the people all around you, are almost staring at you with amusement and curiousity .Then somehow one reason that you could figure out is that they are seeing how you speak .You feel they are accustomed to people speaking in local dialect or even ‘khadi boli’ but to them your way of speaking a mix of Hindi and English is something unusual …
And then one person just could not contain himself and erupted out of sheer curiosity and fired a declarative inquisition …
“Aap yahn ke toh nahi lagte .Aap south se ho kya ??”
You could have easily been confronted at this but rather you thank Lord! That he didn’t come out with name of the sate .Yeah it has happened to me quite a lot .I mean people are sometimes so sure about my south Indian ethnicity disguised by my dark complexion, features and the way of speaking that they don’t ask this silly question rather they fire another one
“are you a tamil ,telgu ,kannad or a malayali ?”
In case you feel to bifurcate them to questions having two options, then by Permutations and combinations of taking two languages of the four at a time 6 questions can be asked!
You see how this has come into the scenario .The reason is simple, on that day you came dressed up and with application of fairness cream you thought you would have been looking a bit fairer but the question of being south Indian told you that you are no match to her …..Although you always have refrained from such thoughts by saying that anything is possible in love since “pyaar aandha hota hai” but this was not it …else the statement would have worked.
The other incident that happened at “nukkad tea shop” led you to a deep introspection…
At the shop, one of your friends came and while talking frivolous stuff, he abruptly told in the midst of the conversation “is saal ka kya scene hai! Teen saal ho gaye ,baatein bohot kar li ,is saal karega ki nahi top ?” And now a cold sweat drop rolls from your head …..From the state of beautiful dreams all of sudden this statement jolts you up severely..You are completely shaken at the state of yours and you suddenly realize that examinations are approaching …Now you certainly feel the bruise within…
And all the way to your home while you drive...The only thing that you keep repeating to yourself:
“Bhaad main gayi saali,bhaav bhi nahi deti aur main hun ki ….peeche pada huya hun “
Ambitions are good even dreaming is good but thinking of a something beyond capacity makes you crippled ,it leads you at times to the most degraded position ….Rightly has someone said :Cut your coat according to your cloth .
And over these years you have been dreaming a lot but nothing has transpired into concrete efforts and so are the disappointing results ……
You know this has been happening to you for long now and that you have become so resistant that you hardly feel so bad about it .Over ambitiousness is the most dangerous thing because while you lead on this oblivious path people also around you start expecting and when you fall ,there is no one around because everyone was around you to see you how soon you fall ,they were not there motivate .They are the people who enjoy your disaster ,your doom to them is a festival
Sometimes when you feel disheartened and you feel like going to Hospital Road
-the most beautiful place at 6 pm or so and why do you say so??
The birds chirp aloud at this time and whenever some deep inquiry has started and you feel that you hardly have an answer and the depression is all about to envelope you
Just sit somewhere at Hospital Road and just get lost in the clamour and commotion that chirping of birds fill the air with..You always feel that it is only place in Udaipur where you can forget yourself...You can see the birds coming back …the hope …the little baby birds …. The arrival of parent birds and the sweet chirpings fills the sky with joy …and sorrow of yours eventually fades away
but today this was not your route ….
So today you just make a resolution to not to look at her… but deep inside you know that this is not a firm one ,still somehow you make up your mind…
Failure, fragmented will power and advent of a girl make a deadly combination ….
Mind you, it is fatal especially when you have to study at MLSU taking up all the load of the inefficiency of the teachers ….
Episode 2
Another autumn morning you move with all determination dressed up (something that she has taught you up unknowingly)…. But this time sunlight plays the trick..
You are walking with confidence and determination ….
And then in front of Department Of Physics you see her radiating face ..Rays of sunlight have illuminated her face ….. You still say to yourself: All that glitters is not gold and then you stand at a distance to her … With eyes looking down on the earth and just evading any eye contact with her … But your heart says to your mind “ki saale yeh kya kar raha hai ,khud ko hi paagal bana raha hai”
Your heart however admits –She is divine .Her silence has always something to say ! And then all of sudden she calls your name in a very soft voice and utters abruptly with mischievous smile
“teri girl friend ne maara hai kya tujhe “
And then you murmur a..aa..a..ee…girl friend
and then cutting short is her grin and her plain explanation :
“Are mazaak tha ; aisa muh kyun ban rakha hai ;mar gaya hai kya “
And in the long list of her qualities this one comes almost in a flash :Unusual frankness and flamboyance
And all you determination collapses and all you remember is the quote of the Tolstoy from War And Peace :
“Nothing is so necessary for a young man as the company of intelligent women.”
In laboratory she is lively to her friends and you feel very desperate that you can’t reach out to her and laugh along …But from one corner you gaze at her lively face ,and you say to yourself :Ecstatic ! she is …Mix of intelligence and liveliness …While you gaze at her and sometimes it happens she also sees you but then you look at the roof as if you were looking at the archaic construction of the laboratory …
The god has always been tremendously unjust to you -the only thought that haunts your mind .
From the table of ‘square wave generator’ you look diagonally at her who seems deeply involved in the experiment of ‘Schmitt Trigger’. Her way of working, devotion and diligence all the more impresses you!
Meanwhile it happens that you and she are all alone in the dark room (Optics laboratory) and she …
looks so beautiful in the light of the sodium lamp ..This only a reluctant experimentalist can observe ….In the darkness of the room you have forgotten yourself and today it struck you what ‘bekhudi’ means
Yeah :In 1999 you listened to it for the very first time
“hoshwalon ko khabar kya ,bekhudi kya cheeez hai”
and it has been you inquisition since then ,you were never able to comprehend it but today it has struck you as the principle of buoyancy struck to Archimedes ….her maroon pullover and black chhuni have all the more left your heart in despair …
You now feel you have crossed yet another level and have entered a passionate state called bekhudi in which one looses oneself ..you now could hardly find flaws in her …
And lone sentence ,
“You are beautiful”
which travelled all the way from your heart takes an abrupt halt at your throat
In the Sodium lamp light you could see her lips they don’t resemble to the Cupid’s bow
Her eyes wide though not deep ,expressive ,inquisitive all penetrating ,full of life force but they however lack naughty appeal which is quite unusual because you know that she is full of life and fun loving ..but her eyes at this time reflect poise and calmness …You have become an ardent fan of her .It might be possible that for all other people she is not that beautiful but you say to yourself that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and for you she is the most elegant girl of the world ….
and you can’t resist saying to yourself
“Elegance is a glowing inner peace. Grace is an ability to give as well as to receive and be thankful. Mystery is a hidden laugh always ready to surface! Glamour only radiates if there is a sublime courage & bravery within: glamour is like the moon; it only shines because the sun is there.”
―Joybell C
and above all the quintessential simplicity that surrounds her
and you finally agree to Leonardo Da Vinci that
“Simplicity
is the ultimate sophistication.”
